I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize