Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You took a bar mat shot.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
