Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
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You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
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Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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