god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
