ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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