I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
