Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
