Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
