I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
