life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
