That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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