her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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