Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
