Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize