The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
