Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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