Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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