i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
