if i can run in heels then i can drive
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Everyone says I win the strip club
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
