I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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