At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
