I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
