I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
