I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
