The best revenge is premature balding
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
