she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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