do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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