can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
