I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
