We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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