Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
