I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Randomize
