If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
