It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
