sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
