I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
