Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Come see our sink grown plant.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
