I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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