I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
