i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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