He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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