I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
