Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
