The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Randomize
