omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
