people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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