My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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