she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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