i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
