I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
