I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
