i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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