I think I just saw someone hide a body.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
