Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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