i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize