someone threw a dead crab at me
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
