apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
