no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
