Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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