At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
