hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
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this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
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You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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