I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
