So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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