It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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