Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I intend to get homeless drunk
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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