So drunk its hurt
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
